[Responsibilities you choose rather than the responsibilities that have been thrust upon you; responsibilities as a type of connection. For someone like Fugo, who is used to accepting responsibility and taking the blame, he never thought to make that sort of distinction.]
You don't have to answer this question if you don't want to. But to go along with your metaphor earlier, you seen unmoored. When you fell asleep, was there a responsibility you lost hold of?
[Oh. Ha.] Nothing exceptional. Just household matters. [Since it's Fugo, he feels like he can be a little more specific:] Plans to do with feeding that we'd come to an agreement about without working out all the details yet.
[...and expect him to fill in the reasonable. That, knowing the age of the household in question, it would be an upsetting thing to vanish in the middle of even if it wasn't anything exceptional.]
I see. [There’s a brief pause; there’s nothing he can really say about that, beyond that–] That sucks.
[Another pause.]
I don’t mean to be dismissive, it’s just that an apology seems out-of-place and unhelpful. Feeding is a difficult and uncomfortable task even under the “best” of circumstances. Especially once things like instincts and/or a hunting drive comes into play.
[Even as he sends it, Fugo is aware that this is a very clinical and detached way to describe it. What they have to do absolutely disgusts him. That feeling hasn’t gone away. Rather, he keeps it in a jar and has sat it on a shelf; where he can still see it, but it doesn’t interfere with what he needs to do to survive.]
If it would help to talk about it, I don’t mind listening. Or reading, in this case. Although I might not be the best person for it.
[Fugo is well aware that, when it comes to killing, he's cold. At the end of the day, that isn't the part that bothers him. Gladion might be better off with someone closer to his own experiences.]
No, you're right. And I'm not in a position to pick over anyone's wording about the subject, between what I do and what I don't do.
[Very coy way of saying "having never killed a guy, I can't talk".
And on that subject...
It's funny(?), because he's in almost exactly the same spot he was all those months ago, when he messaged Fugo about going under. A lot of things have changed since then. For example: he is very small right now, and typing is difficult not because he is trying to hold back tears, but because his hands are so incredibly shaped.
(Thankfully, that is not what their fucking conversation is about.)
A lot of the things he'd wanted to say back then—or not even wanted really but felt unable to not say, like his worries grew a life of their own and jumped out of him—they're the kinds of things he'd discuss with Rindo now. That has to be some kind of improvement. If he's going run to Fugo for advice, or for validation, or whatever, it at least doesn't have to be with the smallest and most frantic of his concerns. He can almost convince himself it's somehow reciprocal when it's this calm a process.]
It's not the instincts this time. This specific thing isn't, anyways. It's the question of who should handle what and how often in the aftermath.
[...]
There's a simple, practical answer. Only one of us had ever hunted for our food before and knows what he's doing. But the other two of us have concerns.
[He shouldn't be airing this. It's not just his problem. And yet...]
< Eb7#9 > cw: discussion of cannibalism and human butchery, to continue throughout
Given the circumstances, I would say that we all have skin in the game. Regardless of how much you have or have not been forced to do up until to this point.
[They are all, unfortunately, in this people-eating boat together. At the end of the day, everyone has the right to an opinion about it.]
I see. To be honest, I don’t think that’s a question that has a “simple” answer. Personally speaking, I find the aftermath to be more difficult than the actual killing.
[Hunting animals is not the same as hunting people. Butchering an animal is not the same as dismembering a human body.]
For the record, I am saying that both as someone who has hunted for others before and as someone who has experience with killing other people prior to Ryslig. It did not prepare me for what needs to be done to process bodies for consumption in a way that makes the most out of each kill.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
< Eb7#9 >
[Responsibilities you choose rather than the responsibilities that have been thrust upon you; responsibilities as a type of connection. For someone like Fugo, who is used to accepting responsibility and taking the blame, he never thought to make that sort of distinction.]
You don't have to answer this question if you don't want to. But to go along with your metaphor earlier, you seen unmoored. When you fell asleep, was there a responsibility you lost hold of?
<silverfeather>
[...and expect him to fill in the reasonable. That, knowing the age of the household in question, it would be an upsetting thing to vanish in the middle of even if it wasn't anything exceptional.]
< Eb7#9 >
[Another pause.]
I don’t mean to be dismissive, it’s just that an apology seems out-of-place and unhelpful. Feeding is a difficult and uncomfortable task even under the “best” of circumstances. Especially once things like instincts and/or a hunting drive comes into play.
[Even as he sends it, Fugo is aware that this is a very clinical and detached way to describe it. What they have to do absolutely disgusts him. That feeling hasn’t gone away. Rather, he keeps it in a jar and has sat it on a shelf; where he can still see it, but it doesn’t interfere with what he needs to do to survive.]
If it would help to talk about it, I don’t mind listening. Or reading, in this case. Although I might not be the best person for it.
[Fugo is well aware that, when it comes to killing, he's cold. At the end of the day, that isn't the part that bothers him. Gladion might be better off with someone closer to his own experiences.]
<silverfeather>
No, you're right. And I'm not in a position to pick over anyone's wording about the subject, between what I do and what I don't do.
[Very coy way of saying "having never killed a guy, I can't talk".
And on that subject...
It's funny(?), because he's in almost exactly the same spot he was all those months ago, when he messaged Fugo about going under. A lot of things have changed since then. For example: he is very small right now, and typing is difficult not because he is trying to hold back tears, but because his hands are so incredibly shaped.
(Thankfully, that is not what their fucking conversation is about.)
A lot of the things he'd wanted to say back then—or not even wanted really but felt unable to not say, like his worries grew a life of their own and jumped out of him—they're the kinds of things he'd discuss with Rindo now. That has to be some kind of improvement. If he's going run to Fugo for advice, or for validation, or whatever, it at least doesn't have to be with the smallest and most frantic of his concerns. He can almost convince himself it's somehow reciprocal when it's this calm a process.]
It's not the instincts this time. This specific thing isn't, anyways. It's the question of who should handle what and how often in the aftermath.
[...]
There's a simple, practical answer. Only one of us had ever hunted for our food before and knows what he's doing. But the other two of us have concerns.
[He shouldn't be airing this. It's not just his problem. And yet...]
< Eb7#9 > cw: discussion of cannibalism and human butchery, to continue throughout
[They are all, unfortunately, in this people-eating boat together. At the end of the day, everyone has the right to an opinion about it.]
I see. To be honest, I don’t think that’s a question that has a “simple” answer. Personally speaking, I find the aftermath to be more difficult than the actual killing.
[Hunting animals is not the same as hunting people. Butchering an animal is not the same as dismembering a human body.]
For the record, I am saying that both as someone who has hunted for others before and as someone who has experience with killing other people prior to Ryslig. It did not prepare me for what needs to be done to process bodies for consumption in a way that makes the most out of each kill.
It is difficult and ugly work.
<silverfeather>
Every word of the rest of it is heavy as lead. Everything about this sucks so fucking much.
(He didn't know that about Fugo, but given, you know, everything in life right now, it's not all that shocking. Just somber.)]
Our concerns exactly. Leaving it up to the same person every time didn't look sustainable, let alone fair.
[...]
What we reached wasn't an enthusiastic agreement.
[It was a fucking fight, and a nasty note to be forced to leave them on.]