[Interesting. Trish waits as his response trickles in. She sees how it stops, starts.
Once again, she's brushed against that invisible wall between Fugo and music, and she knows he probably would never make a career out of it. He's in an interesting spot as a person, really. He's so incredibly intelligent and diligent that he could do anything he wanted. But...what does he want? What does Fugo want for himself?
When she thinks about it, it's never really clear. Unless it's to serve Giorno, Fugo has never spoken passionately about...anything.]
But you imply it will change, right? Just a little.
Listen, I like my hyperbole, but I don't actually expect you to approach music the way I do. That's not what I want at all.
What I want is for you to enjoy yourself. It doesn't have to completely change your life or your mind, but if I can pass on even the tiniest amount of how I feel about music to you, I'll be happy. And even if I don't, I have a good time playing with you. That's enough for me.
However, the last thing I want to do is to make it about me. Don't worry about whether or not you'll let me down. There's no need for that kind of pressure when you're experimenting.
That's what this is, ultimately. You're trying something new. In every way, this will be new.
[This is Trish meeting him halfway. She doesn't know the words of that promise, but she's reaching for him still, as far as she can: blindly in the dark, because he's still too much of a coward to let her see just how bad it is.]
What I meant is that my feelings about music, as they are now, have already changed tremendously from how they used to be. And I'm grateful for that. Taking it back means a lot to me, even if it it isn't necessarily a pleasant task.
But I don't know if I'll enjoy it, or that things will change from where they are. Even if it's only a little bit. It would be nice, but it seems unrealistic.
Promising that I will try and that I trust you with this is as far as I can meet you, for now. Maybe that will change in the future, maybe it won't. And if it doesn't, I don't want you to think that it's your fault or that you have strong-armed me into something I didn't want to do.
[It's inelegant, but Trish is persistent regardless. She wants to know him, as much as he'll allow. Maybe more than that.
She's stubborn, and pushy, and demanding. But she is trying, this time, to be as patient as she can. To understand, even if she keeps missing the mark. At least, that's how it's felt, so it's surprising to hear what they've been doing...is a marked change for him.
Well, maybe not completely surprising, from what very little she knows, but the fact it hadn't really improved in the time away from his home until now, it's...]
That's fine, Fugo.
In fact, that's really all I wanted to know. Where you're at, specifically, and how I can accommodate you.
So, this helps.
And I promise you I won't blame myself. I'm happy you're trying at all. I couldn't ask for more.
[But she will hope for it.
She won't say it, but she will hope for it all the same. Fugo deserves to enjoy his hobbies, to find passion in something besides work. He hasn't gotten to do that and it shows. In all ways, it shows.]
[The vise around his chest, always there and always wound tight, loosens. Not much. Just a little. She hasn't given up on it-- on him-- yet. Even though she has every right to. Even though she would have a better time on her own, or with someone who shares her passion for music.
Despite everything, she still wants to play guitar with him. She wants to meet him where he is.]
Okay. As long as you're sure, then.
[And then, a few moments later--]
Sorry, that was stupid. You wouldn't have asked me this many times if you weren't sure about it.
[Fugo can't seem to conceptualize that Trish likes spending time with him. She doesn't care about some imaginary, hypothetical person who loves music as much as she does.
They're immaterial to her relationship with Fugo! She can't care about someone she hasn't met over the very real boy she sees every day.
He's her friend too, and they can and do have fun. He can be a bastard, and they can butt heads, but they're friends.]
It's fine. I can be a a pain in the ass, and you'll be happy to know that a symptom of that is that my interest never wanes no matter what.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
<Zigazigah>
Once again, she's brushed against that invisible wall between Fugo and music, and she knows he probably would never make a career out of it. He's in an interesting spot as a person, really. He's so incredibly intelligent and diligent that he could do anything he wanted. But...what does he want? What does Fugo want for himself?
When she thinks about it, it's never really clear. Unless it's to serve Giorno, Fugo has never spoken passionately about...anything.]
But you imply it will change, right? Just a little.
Listen, I like my hyperbole, but I don't actually expect you to approach music the way I do. That's not what I want at all.
What I want is for you to enjoy yourself. It doesn't have to completely change your life or your mind, but if I can pass on even the tiniest amount of how I feel about music to you, I'll be happy. And even if I don't, I have a good time playing with you. That's enough for me.
However, the last thing I want to do is to make it about me. Don't worry about whether or not you'll let me down. There's no need for that kind of pressure when you're experimenting.
That's what this is, ultimately. You're trying something new. In every way, this will be new.
< Eb7#9 >
What I meant is that my feelings about music, as they are now, have already changed tremendously from how they used to be. And I'm grateful for that. Taking it back means a lot to me, even if it it isn't necessarily a pleasant task.
But I don't know if I'll enjoy it, or that things will change from where they are. Even if it's only a little bit. It would be nice, but it seems unrealistic.
Promising that I will try and that I trust you with this is as far as I can meet you, for now. Maybe that will change in the future, maybe it won't. And if it doesn't, I don't want you to think that it's your fault or that you have strong-armed me into something I didn't want to do.
<Zigazigah>
She's stubborn, and pushy, and demanding. But she is trying, this time, to be as patient as she can. To understand, even if she keeps missing the mark. At least, that's how it's felt, so it's surprising to hear what they've been doing...is a marked change for him.
Well, maybe not completely surprising, from what very little she knows, but the fact it hadn't really improved in the time away from his home until now, it's...]
That's fine, Fugo.
In fact, that's really all I wanted to know. Where you're at, specifically, and how I can accommodate you.
So, this helps.
And I promise you I won't blame myself. I'm happy you're trying at all. I couldn't ask for more.
[But she will hope for it.
She won't say it, but she will hope for it all the same. Fugo deserves to enjoy his hobbies, to find passion in something besides work. He hasn't gotten to do that and it shows. In all ways, it shows.]
< Eb7#9 >
Despite everything, she still wants to play guitar with him. She wants to meet him where he is.]
Okay. As long as you're sure, then.
[And then, a few moments later--]
Sorry, that was stupid. You wouldn't have asked me this many times if you weren't sure about it.
<Zigazigah> BABIE...
They're immaterial to her relationship with Fugo! She can't care about someone she hasn't met over the very real boy she sees every day.
He's her friend too, and they can and do have fun. He can be a bastard, and they can butt heads, but they're friends.]
It's fine. I can be a a pain in the ass, and you'll be happy to know that a symptom of that is that my interest never wanes no matter what.
That's how stubborn I am.