[But, knowing Giorno, he almost certainly described it in a way that would intentionally pique Trish's curiosity. If it was Abbacchio, he would have been blunt about what sort of dance it was and his low opinion of it.]
First of all, why do you even want to see it? If it's just to tease me because that sort of thing is outside of my usual interests, then no.
I'll be honest and admit I was mostly curious. He never said what kind of dance it was, which was interesting. Most dances have a name, don't they?
Salsa dancing, ballroom dancing. Things like that.
Now I know it's got to be something entirely unique. Narancia didn't seem the type to learn traditional dancing, you know? What he came up with had to be pure in its inspiration.
[It feels wrong, talking about this. It's not his. Just thinking about it feels like handling a live wire. ... but if anyone deserves to know, wouldn't it be Trish? He doesn't know.]
It wasn't traditional, no. It's not that he was haphazard with it, but he incorporated movements from a range of different styles. It's hip hop, sort of, but also not at all.
I don't know. It would look strange if I did it myself, since he choregraphed it as a group performance. And it had a specific BGM. He mixed that, too.
[Giorno wasn't lying. IT REALLY WAS SYNCHRONIZED...]
[Trish is aware Fugo is likely uncomfortable talking about Narancia's dance. There's a pain he's carrying that will never go away.
But letting a happy memory stick in his throat like it had when they shared a mind...it was a disaster, but did it really have to be?
Maybe then, because it was a memory about something Narancia never got to see, but this memory? It's one he lived and breathed in. A synchronized dance, just like Giorno said. More than that, Narancia mixed music for it?]
Hip hop but not. That sounds just like him.
If it helps, he must have showed you how to do it on his own before he had a group to match his vision.
How about this, actually.
Instead of just showing me, teach me step by step. I can't tease you if I'm doing the same thing, can I?
I need some time to think about it. When I'm ready, I'll tell you one way or the other.
[And that's all Fugo will say about it. No matter how Trish replies, this will be the last response on the conversation from Fugo. He doesn't trust his instincts. To be honest, he doesn't trust his own mind about it either. But ... there isn't anyone else to tell this story. It's just him.
And the memory of Narancia, begging him over and over again: dance with me, please, it's no good with just one person.]
[It takes time. It's days before another reply comes. Fugo thinks about it on his own, chewing on it in the back of his mind even when he doesn't have a free moment. It hurts. It aches, in a way that's not so dissimilar to the phantom limbs on his back that he didn't realize he had become accustomed to until they were gone. It's bitter. It feels wrong. It shouldn't be him. It should be Narancia, showing her this dance.
This is what he keeps coming back to. Narancia would, Fugo believes, want Trish to dance with him. That, if there had been even a moment where they could let their guards down, he would have shown it to her.]
"Trish is me. Her wounds are my wounds."
That's the last thing I heard Narancia say, as he swam to the boat. I couldn't understand what he meant for a long time. To be honest... I probably still don't understand it completely. Narancia and I were very different. But I think at least part of it was that he saw you as one of us. He wanted to be your friend.
He probably would have wanted to show you himself. But since he's not here, if you want to learn it, I'll show you. That way if he ever shows up here, you'll be able to dance with him.
[Trish may have replied something along the lines of "It's okay to refuse me outright, you know."
But Fugo never answers, not for days.
She sees him in person, of course, several times. Still, she can't tell what he's thinking, and trying to glean his thoughts from his expressions, before he's spoken them aloud as promised is...she knows she's impatient. So she stops herself, and pretends like the conversation never happened. He may not speak on it again, and she knows that's another fair choice too. After all, they shouldn't feel obligated to do anything she asks. Their relationship isn't like that anymore, nor should it be.
She wonders why he didn't just say no. And then Fugo answers that question himself, and tells her something she's never heard before. Narancia must have said that when she was unconscious, her hand neatly reattached to her wrist with one of Bruno's zippers. Narancia...never quite understood her fully, but he tried, and she liked him all the more for it. He was considerate of her feelings in the same way Bruno was, even if neither of them were completely successful. He was kind.]
I think it was less that he viewed me as one of you, and more that he saw no difference between us on a basic, human level. This is the first time I've heard these words of his, but it makes a lot of sense with what I know of him. There were things I would never "get", but that didn't matter. He wanted to keep me safe.
You probably know this too, but it bears repeating. I also wanted to be his friend.
So if you're willing, if it truly doesn't bother you, I'd like to learn. I'd like to dance with him one day. Nothing would make me happier.
[Sheer honesty on display, and it admittedly makes her feel itchy, and her throat is a little dry, but what's the harm, ultimately?
What's the harm of reaching out to him this way? Giorno orchestrated this, in some ways, and she wonders what his intent was. Did he want her to learn of all of this from Fugo himself? Not just the dance, but how Narancia felt too?]
< Eb7#9 > both of us out here crying in the club about narancia
[Bother isn't the right word at all. Fugo isn't sure what Trish is looking for, but all he has is a bitter, frustrated sadness. It shouldn't be him. Those were Narancia's words and this is Narancia's dance. But if he says nothing, if he keeps it locked up in his memory, it's the same as if there was no one to remember it at all. And isn't it worse, to suffocate Narancia's memory? He can't stand that thought.
He deserves to remembered. He deserves to be mourned, by the people who were loyal with him to the very end.]
I don't know if I can describe how I feel about it. But it's not a bother and I'm willing.
[Is this where he should say something like "I'm glad you wanted to be his friend"? "I wish you had more time together"? "Thank you for thinking of him"? All of them seem so pithy, so false. Especially from him. So he doesn't write any of them.]
I'll do my best to teach you. I'm not a good teacher and I'm not a good dancer, but I want to share what I remember with you. That way, it can live on.
[It feels...sort of like there's a clash. She's not sure where, and maybe it's the inner war in Fugo coming out, but he gently deflects her words. She's not a bother. He's willing.
But he does feel some kind of way about it.
She wants him to feel the tiniest bit better about it, but he can't, right? When someone's gone, even if remembering them is deserved and ultimately a balm, it's still painful. They're still gone. Remembering them is also a reminder of the void they've left behind. But there's no sense in backing off now.]
I appreciate it, Fugo.
Whenever you're ready, just reach out to me. I can't promise to be a good student or a good dancer myself, but that's fine, I think. It's not about being good.
[Everything about Narancia was unrefined, unpolished...but lively as could be. She doubts he'd care that they did it perfectly. Just the fact they're dancing at all would doubtlessly make him happy.
[It's not about being good. This isn't the first time Fugo has heard this sentiment, but it's rare enough that he can count the instances on his fingers. It feels wholly foreign.
But she isn't wrong. Narancia's dance, for as particular as he was about them all being in sync, was about expressing something that couldn't be said in words. It was a part of himself that he wanted to share with his friends. That's why, as uncomfortable as he is to be the one sharing it, he knows it's right to share it with Trish.]
You say that. But you're too stubborn to settle for anything but the best.
I'll try to keep that in mind. But only as long as you do.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
<Zigazigah> that Fugo icon is so cute
[That's just how it came off with how she could practically hear Giorno's grin behind the screen.
Because he didn't just see this dance, he witnessed it. The fact it's Narancia's dance makes this...less surprising, then, but also more sobering.
Hmmm.]
What would it take to convince you to show me this dance?
< Eb7#9 >
[But, knowing Giorno, he almost certainly described it in a way that would intentionally pique Trish's curiosity. If it was Abbacchio, he would have been blunt about what sort of dance it was and his low opinion of it.]
First of all, why do you even want to see it? If it's just to tease me because that sort of thing is outside of my usual interests, then no.
<Zigazigah>
Salsa dancing, ballroom dancing. Things like that.
Now I know it's got to be something entirely unique. Narancia didn't seem the type to learn traditional dancing, you know? What he came up with had to be pure in its inspiration.
I'd like to see it.
< Eb7#9 >
It wasn't traditional, no. It's not that he was haphazard with it, but he incorporated movements from a range of different styles. It's hip hop, sort of, but also not at all.
I don't know. It would look strange if I did it myself, since he choregraphed it as a group performance. And it had a specific BGM. He mixed that, too.
[Giorno wasn't lying. IT REALLY WAS SYNCHRONIZED...]
<Zigazigah>
But letting a happy memory stick in his throat like it had when they shared a mind...it was a disaster, but did it really have to be?
Maybe then, because it was a memory about something Narancia never got to see, but this memory? It's one he lived and breathed in. A synchronized dance, just like Giorno said. More than that, Narancia mixed music for it?]
Hip hop but not. That sounds just like him.
If it helps, he must have showed you how to do it on his own before he had a group to match his vision.
How about this, actually.
Instead of just showing me, teach me step by step. I can't tease you if I'm doing the same thing, can I?
< Eb7#9 >
I need some time to think about it. When I'm ready, I'll tell you one way or the other.
[And that's all Fugo will say about it. No matter how Trish replies, this will be the last response on the conversation from Fugo. He doesn't trust his instincts. To be honest, he doesn't trust his own mind about it either. But ... there isn't anyone else to tell this story. It's just him.
And the memory of Narancia, begging him over and over again: dance with me, please, it's no good with just one person.]
[It takes time. It's days before another reply comes. Fugo thinks about it on his own, chewing on it in the back of his mind even when he doesn't have a free moment. It hurts. It aches, in a way that's not so dissimilar to the phantom limbs on his back that he didn't realize he had become accustomed to until they were gone. It's bitter. It feels wrong. It shouldn't be him. It should be Narancia, showing her this dance.
This is what he keeps coming back to. Narancia would, Fugo believes, want Trish to dance with him. That, if there had been even a moment where they could let their guards down, he would have shown it to her.]
"Trish is me. Her wounds are my wounds."
That's the last thing I heard Narancia say, as he swam to the boat. I couldn't understand what he meant for a long time. To be honest... I probably still don't understand it completely. Narancia and I were very different. But I think at least part of it was that he saw you as one of us. He wanted to be your friend.
He probably would have wanted to show you himself. But since he's not here, if you want to learn it, I'll show you. That way if he ever shows up here, you'll be able to dance with him.
<Zigazigah> HEY IM EMO?
But Fugo never answers, not for days.
She sees him in person, of course, several times. Still, she can't tell what he's thinking, and trying to glean his thoughts from his expressions, before he's spoken them aloud as promised is...she knows she's impatient. So she stops herself, and pretends like the conversation never happened. He may not speak on it again, and she knows that's another fair choice too. After all, they shouldn't feel obligated to do anything she asks. Their relationship isn't like that anymore, nor should it be.
She wonders why he didn't just say no. And then Fugo answers that question himself, and tells her something she's never heard before. Narancia must have said that when she was unconscious, her hand neatly reattached to her wrist with one of Bruno's zippers. Narancia...never quite understood her fully, but he tried, and she liked him all the more for it. He was considerate of her feelings in the same way Bruno was, even if neither of them were completely successful. He was kind.]
I think it was less that he viewed me as one of you, and more that he saw no difference between us on a basic, human level. This is the first time I've heard these words of his, but it makes a lot of sense with what I know of him. There were things I would never "get", but that didn't matter. He wanted to keep me safe.
You probably know this too, but it bears repeating. I also wanted to be his friend.
So if you're willing, if it truly doesn't bother you, I'd like to learn. I'd like to dance with him one day. Nothing would make me happier.
[Sheer honesty on display, and it admittedly makes her feel itchy, and her throat is a little dry, but what's the harm, ultimately?
What's the harm of reaching out to him this way? Giorno orchestrated this, in some ways, and she wonders what his intent was. Did he want her to learn of all of this from Fugo himself? Not just the dance, but how Narancia felt too?]
< Eb7#9 > both of us out here crying in the club about narancia
He deserves to remembered. He deserves to be mourned, by the people who were loyal with him to the very end.]
I don't know if I can describe how I feel about it. But it's not a bother and I'm willing.
[Is this where he should say something like "I'm glad you wanted to be his friend"? "I wish you had more time together"? "Thank you for thinking of him"? All of them seem so pithy, so false. Especially from him. So he doesn't write any of them.]
I'll do my best to teach you. I'm not a good teacher and I'm not a good dancer, but I want to share what I remember with you. That way, it can live on.
<Zigazigah> HE WAS THEIR LIL GUY
But he does feel some kind of way about it.
She wants him to feel the tiniest bit better about it, but he can't, right? When someone's gone, even if remembering them is deserved and ultimately a balm, it's still painful. They're still gone. Remembering them is also a reminder of the void they've left behind. But there's no sense in backing off now.]
I appreciate it, Fugo.
Whenever you're ready, just reach out to me. I can't promise to be a good student or a good dancer myself, but that's fine, I think. It's not about being good.
[Everything about Narancia was unrefined, unpolished...but lively as could be. She doubts he'd care that they did it perfectly. Just the fact they're dancing at all would doubtlessly make him happy.
That's enough.]
< Eb7#9 >
But she isn't wrong. Narancia's dance, for as particular as he was about them all being in sync, was about expressing something that couldn't be said in words. It was a part of himself that he wanted to share with his friends. That's why, as uncomfortable as he is to be the one sharing it, he knows it's right to share it with Trish.]
You say that. But you're too stubborn to settle for anything but the best.
I'll try to keep that in mind. But only as long as you do.
<Zigazigah>
But really, his best will be shown the moment he reaches out again. Asking this of him is already a lot.]
You have my word, Fugo.
Promise.