Wow Fugo we have so much in common!! I don't trust adults either Well Polnareff is a very nice guy! And I like his dragon, and he hasn't been mean or anything But aside from that I'm like no thank you, please prove to me you're not dangerous first because I have reasonable reason to suspect But coming from me is that all that surprising? I mean I was afraid of just being here I still am Wondering if someone is going to stretch through my wallpaper or start slamming my cabinets because apparently there are ghosts Not that ghosts can do anything to you Can they???
[ She really doesn't understand why she's going a mile a minute.
She wanted to succinctly sum all of that up with "Haha, we're kind of alike... but I think with me, it's just being nervous around things in general", but instead she rambled on and on like a broken record. But she can't stop-- the trigger in her head says keep going, it's fine, keep going, say everything, and sooner or later she's probably going to duct tape her mouth shut and her fingers together out of sheer embarrassment. ]
Most adults aren't worth bothering with honestly Even if they aren't malicious most fall in the ambivalent middle Meaning that if they're fine with looking away or pretending nothing's wrong unless it becomes a personal problem for them
I'd like to revise my list actually. because Buccellati should DEFINITELY come before jp and mrs. kujo. he's always been very kind and very patient with me, even when he didn't have to be Have you met him? His first name is Bruno
Just being here is frightening most days. You get used to it because you have to, not because it's any less scary I'm very lucky in that I have two people from back home here with me Honestly, without Giogio and Buccellati, I would be a complete wreck.
However, I think it's unlikely that those two things are going to happen Most of the ghosts I've had to deal with seem attached to the library I wish they'd haunt one of the OTHER buildings in this stupid city
I haven't!! We're very similar, haha, that thing about the ambivalent middle or pretending nothing's wrong thing you said I relate It's relatable It's a thing I understand pretty deeply, to be honest, as
[ You can read the gears crunching as Tonika forces herself ungracefully away from the topic at hand and onto something that's on the same train of thought and not nearly so personal. ]
As I liked the Peter Pan book a lot
yup Giogio is a cute nickname I can understand because I don't have anyone from home here and I am definitely a wreck Not that I have many people who would be good to have from home, aside from my father And he'd... make all of this a lot better. He's unbeatable in a lot of ways, and some of them pretty literal But other than that I pretty much had zero contacts You could say I didn't really exist, except not literally, but because it was necessary I guess? It's a little muddy to think about
Maybe you can convince them to move? Ah, but I bet the ghosts would only trade up if you offered them something better... Like they'd trade the Library for a grocery store, and they'd be lobbing cans at everyone who comes in Hmm
Why? You don't need to go downstairs, just go back to sleep
[There are pieces scattered here and in the other messages Tonika has sent him that, when he starts to put them together, put together a puzzle of something very sad. But not entirely unfamiliar. Briefly, he thinks to himself that he'll have to talk to Giorno about it; they both already know it, but the more he learns about Tonika the more he knows it's not right to leave her to struggle on her own.]
I think we can sum most of it up as "adults are pretty awful until proven otherwise" and that's all that really needs to be said about it
[Okay, that's it. No more sleepy texting. He's going to take care with his messages and not send out anything like that for the rest of the conversation. Probably.]
ANYWAY
I'm sorry your father isn't here with you. "Unbeatable" isn't a word I think you'd use lightly. He must be very strong.
Maybe I could convince them to take over the theater. Then all I would need to do is move the piano. Or just find another one. I think if we're talking sheer drama, the theater is a much better place to haunt than the library.
Because I want to see if Mrs. Kujo has any recipes for cheese. In her cookbooks.
I think it's a nice nickname and I'm not sure he'd mind at all But that's coming from my own honest perspective, nicknames always seemed to me like... Someone is cool enough to you to want to give them their own unique name. I'll respect your wishes though, I won't tell him.
Oh! I promise I'm not using it lightly. Unbeatable isn't just praise, it's his qualification. But I must be making him sound unnerving... the truth is, he's the kindest person I've ever known.
[ If she mentioned the fact that he was unbeatable at assassination, that last line would altogether feel more unbelievable. But Tonika is not the type to take morals into play when she decides she likes or dislikes someone-- her code of ethics was only ever to survive. She'd take an assassin who was kind to her even if he was snapping other people's necks by moonlight than a regular father who was simply cruel to her.
She's had the misfortune of having to know that for certain. ]
Are there any abandoned mansions? You know, something you could make into a literal haunted house? And then once a month you'd send someone in to get spooked so they don't get bored and run back to the library? Wait, no, that's a terrible idea.
Oh he knows that I use it. That's not the part I mind. Giorno was actually the one who asked me to call him that. Maybe he came up with it? Anyway, it's from his full name: GIOrno GIOvanna I don't call him that all the time, but sometimes I indulge him. And it's easier to type on the watches.
It's not so much unnerving as... "Unbeatable" is a word that implies implicit confidence and trust in a person to me. So by calling your father "unbeatable," I can tell what an important person he is to you.
Honestly I think one person getting scared on purpose is very much worth getting the ghosts out of the library. They're such a pain!
Mrs. Kujo is one of the people who live in the house I stay in here. There's: - Giogio, Buccellati & I (2001) - Jotaro Kujo, Noriaki Kakyoin, Jean-Pierre Polnareff, and Holly Kujo. (1987) Holly (Mrs. Kujo) is Jotaro's mother. She does a lot of cooking for the house.
Either way, I think it's nice that you indulge him and that you let it slip. If you're formal all the time with someone, it's hard to imagine them as close friends, right?
[ Genuine question, surprisingly. ]
Oh... I don't know if it's about confidence and trust, even though I have those things in him. Even though I Shouldn't I mean it very literally. He is unbeatable, so it makes me feel safe knowing nothing can get past him. Or he wouldn't let it. It's complicated...? Let's just put it that way. My father is complicated, but he's still kind. If he ever followed me here, I bet you'd like him.
Well... at least in a weird way, it's nice to know ghosts are real?
That's a lot of people! I bet it's never quiet for very long. To be honest, this is the first time I've ever been out on my own. But at the same time, I'm a little bit used to living on my own...? Another complicated weird thing. Do you like it, though? With a lot of people and their separate lives, is it ever dramatic or stressful?
Hmm I supppose there's something to be say about how the ability to be informal with a person is indicative that you trust them enough to relax around them But it's ... hm, I don't know how to put it. I'm not using to being close with people. So it feels strange and a little uncomfortable to me sometimes.
[Unfortunately, Fugo does not have a good answer for her. His pool of friends in and out of the city is very small. And even those relationships are admittedly pretty unusual.]
I suppose if you're giving him such glowing reviews, I could stand to view him under Adult Suspicion Lens: 75% strength How does that sound?
For your Complicated & Weird Thing #2: You're used to living with someone, but taking care of yourself. Is that about right? As for how I like living in this house... I think in comparison to living alone, I like it much better. But that doesn't mean it can't be stressful sometimes. For example: I don't like closed-up spaces, so I leave doors open behind me. But Mrs. Kujo doesn't know that. So she'll close any door she finds open. The reason why is complicated and personal so I just haven't brought it up.
Oh! I completely understand. I don't think I've ever had a friend my age... Is that weird? I mean obviously it's weird, but it's not uncommon, right? I don't know how to... calm down. All I think about is how someone could be not who they seem to be. I think to be friends, you have to trust someone completely...
Haha! It's weird, I think that number should be both higher and lower. But he's so... normal, for who he is. He loves to cook and he watches daytime TV on the sofa like any other normal father. We have a gym in our apartment complex that's really nice! He started to take me there, just before I left, because he thought it was important that we did stuff together. So strange.
That's about right. I was on my own for most things.
Hmm... why don't you hang something on the doorknob? That says 'please do not shut'. She'll know then, right?
I'm afraid that I'm not exactly the best person to ask. Growing up, my education was very unusual. I never spent much time with people my age when I lived in my grandfather's house. As for trust, well... it doesn't have to be all or nothing, you know? It can be something that's built up over time. Or you can trust people in one area, but not another. At least that's what I think.
[Fugo furrows his brows at the watch as he wanders into the kitchen, quietly nudging the door open with one sock-clad foot and flicking the lights on. That's a sad and familiar sentiment.]
It gets better. That strange feeling. It never really goes away, but it gets better.
Maybe. But I probably won't say anything because my habit's the one that's weird and annoying. Closing open doors is pretty reasonable.
I'm almost a little jealous of that! It's like your friend said, I guess. Trust your heart and instinct. But I think my instincts are broken? I wish there was just some magic pill that'd make it go away. Anyway, I'm going on about myself too much... I don't think I've ever said this much about myself before! It feels strange, like I literally can't stop!
... I hope you're right, though. I'd like to be I want to be A better, kinder person. The selfless kind of person that protects others instead of themselves. I admire people like that so much. And I feel like if I became that sort of person, I would meet more of those sorts of people. Does that make sense?
It's not weird and annoying if you're claustrophobic (? Is that the right term?) For something as simple as not shutting a door, I'm sure your roommates can accommodate you.
Tonika. Your instincts aren't broken. They're trying to protect you. It's the same sort of reasoning a child learns after burning themselves on a stove. You don't want to burn yourself, so you've learned not to reach out. But people aren't like stoves. They're much harder to read. If anything, your instincts work too well: they're registering false positives.
The more experiences you get in life, the more kinds of people you meet, The more information you'll have to work on. You'll be able to better differentiate between good people, the ambivalent middle, and bad people.
It's not easy to be kind, when someone else has taught you the opposite. Just by wanting it, I think you're already well on your way to be that sort of person.
Re: claustrophobia It's a bit excessive, so I don't like using that term. I'm not afraid of closed spaces, per say. They just ... Closed spaces are objectively not safe places for me to be. So if given a choice I'll avoid them, but it's not like I can't handle being in an elevator or anything.
Re: our current conversation It's okay. I don't mind, as long as you don't feel uncomfortable. But if you would rather talk about something else, You don't have to feel obligated to reply to anything up there. We can talk about something else. Like cooking, or cheese.
You said that you liked to make chili. I've never had that before. What does it taste like?
I think you're... A really smart person, Fugo. I feel like because you describe these things so well, you must have learned them as well. Er, what I mean is, it sounds like experience to me. Forgive me if it's presumptuous. Ahh, I've said something dumb again... I hope you're right. I hope I can learn to be kind. I hope I can follow through on that. It'd be nice to be less afraid. There's no magic switch for that, though.
[ She has the magic switch, though. The one, perfect magic switch that could let her make dreams come true for everyone around her. The means to create lifelong friendships, one plan at a time, taking a miserable sum of a percentage and turning it into 100%. The power to manipulate words and set infallible plans.
... but no one would like Tonika if she used that power. They would like her superpower. They would like the Sync, the computer within her mind that can get such perfect results, should they be possible.
She can't be that person for anyone else. Wrapping everyone around her fingers like spinning sewing thread. Jim told her that tapping into her ability is easy-- there's a second nature in there that just takes off. Tonika feels like a hatchling that hasn't and will never fly by choice. ]
I completely understand not wanting to use such a heavy term, I'm sorry! Still, I bet she'd understand if you mentioned it. It doesn't seem like something someone would get upset about...
... Oh! It's like a really hearty stew with not a lot of broth, and the broth is thick. It has a meat and tomato base, and you can throw a lot of different things in it. It's traditionally pretty spicy. I put in black olives, pinto beans, kidney beans, oregano... Though it changed recipes depending on what I had on hand. Like you said, I... took care of myself for a very long time. While I'm not a great cook, I learned pretty quickly that if I wanted to eat, I'd have to make things in big batches. (Because I had school, and stuff...) Chili was good for that.
You haven't said anything dumb at all. You're right, though. Trusting people-- being kind-- Neither of those things come easily to me. And I learn a little more about them every day, thanks to the kind people I've met and live with.
I suppose I'd just rather not bring it up at all with her. Like I said, it's a weird and personal thing. And I've learned to live around it. So it's not really a problem for me. Just something that stresses me out, sometimes.
That does sound good. Do you eat it with any side dishes? Or is it just the stew? Regardless, when you make it next I'd like to try some. I could trade you some pasta. We make a lot of pasta in this house.
Question about the cheese: Do you still want to make some? Because I've found a recipe. (It's even for cheddar!) However, it will take some time. ... A lot of time.
[ Tonika is not sure she'll ever make those kinds of friends with any permanence. Even if she made some here... eventually, when she goes home (and she very much intends to), isn't she going to have to go back to her secretive life underneath Jim's roof, for her own literal protection? Not even in an Evil Stepfather sort of way, but legitimately to preserve her life?
Still, she wants to be... better. ]
Usually just the chili is enough. It's very hearty-- and you can freeze it and reheat it for when you need it. You don't have to make it with just beef, either, I remember once I got to make it with venison. It was a little weird that time, but still good. And I'd love to try your pasta! I've never had authentic Italian food before, just-- I think the chicken parm sandwich from Burger King. Yeah.
Sure. I mean, I'm not going anywhere, right? All I have is time.
I am not certain that what they serve at Burger King is actual food. Words cannot properly convey how sad it makes me that this has been your only experience with Italian food. So I will have to, regretfully, use an emoticon. :(
I will trade you chicken Parmesan for chili.
From what I can gather, cooking cheddar cheese is an all day affair. And then it will require about six months of aging. We have a basement here, so you don't have to worry about that. I think the biggest obstacle is finding the ingredients and putting together a cheese press. But I think I know someone who would be interested in building one.
It's a deal! But now that I think about it, I've eaten spaghetti before in the school cafeteria. But... that's probably not real Italian either. It was good though, I liked it. But my standards aren't high.
Six months?? How do they make all of the little cheese slices then? They seriously store it away for six months? That can't be right... maybe I've been eating fake cheese this whole time? Which... isn't surprising, all things considered, but... I think that'd be pretty fun. I know, 'fun' sounds weird, but I mean it. And maybe while that cheese is uh, incubating, for six months We could learn new things together? Like, um... Maybe we could learn something neither of us know? Like... Indian food? Russian food? Swedish food?
That's terrible. They probably used prepackaged noodles and sauce from cans. I mean. I can understand why they would have to, since they're serving a large number of people. But I'm offended by the principle of the matter. You should come over for dinner sometime. Mrs. Kujo and Buccellati always have to make a ton of food anyway since JP and Kujo are bottomless pits, so there's more than enough for one more person.
I assume that cheesemakers overcome this problem by simply making cheese every day. That way, every day they have cheese from six months ago that's ready to be sold.
No, it's not weird at all. At least not to me. I'm interested in the process as well. And I'm very curious to see what sort of cheese we can produce. I like learning new things. And ... you know, I've never really thought about it. But I especially like learning new things about cooking. So I'd like to do that.
... but, off the topic of food. Because as riveting and hunger-enducing as it is, I just realized something.
We're from such different places, right? Italy, I mean. I bet it's a lot different from the wild west. I must seem rather... rough around the edges compared to you. Can you tell me... what it's like there? You don't have to! Or you don't have to be specific, I mean. You don't have to talk about your life in Italy. Just Italy itself... I only had movies growing up, and-- um, American movies are stereotypical at best. Do you know 'The Lady and the Tramp'? That and fashion magazines, that's all I knew for a long time. Oh, and 'The Godfather'. I just always assumed it was this really opulent place. Like... The feeling you get when you look up at a really pretty chandelier!
... ahhh that's dumb that's so dumb But it always sounded glamorous to me.
I can tell you about Italy. But you'll have to forgive me if I ramble. And tell me about where you live. Montana. I've lived all my life in cities! And I don't think Ruby City counts as a proper rural area. Even if it's really strange to be living in a place with less than one hundred other people. It's so quiet, here. So I'd like to know what sort of place you grew up in.
Italy is ... a very vivid, colorful country. I'm not sure if it's because of all the sun we get, but when I think back to Napoli and compare it to Ruby City-- Everything just seems like it was brighter, back home. The weather was nicer too. It depends on what part of the country you live in (it's colder in the north and warmer and the south) But in Napoli it never gets colder than 9°C (48°F) in January or hotter than 25°C (76°F) in July. Sometimes it gets humid in the summer (because of the ocean) and very rainy in the winter (... because of the ocean) but otherwise it's a very pleasant place to live. No matter where you go, you can always smell the sea. I miss that.
Napoli is a city that's full of history. People have been living there for thousands of years, so you see it everywhere. In the churches, the catacombs and the ruins, the statues, the streets, the buildings... There are plenty of excellent museums you can visit, but to be honest you never really need to look far to find it.
Oh, wow... It sounds like something out of a dream, to be honest. Mild weather, bright colors, next to the ocean! I've never actually seen the ocean. Just lakes. Which are great, but still! I can't imagine how comforting it is to have the sea beside you at night. And history, too...! Walking places that people have walked for thousands of years! I want to say it's romantic, but not in the 'romantic' sense. The... ??? sense. The platonic romantic sense. The feeling of being a part of something bigger than yourself and contributing your own imprints to it. Catacombs! Preserved saints that sometimes blink! The pope? Ah, no, he's more north... But still! I've seen a plaster recreation of David, does that count?
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no subject
I don't trust adults either
Well Polnareff is a very nice guy! And I like his dragon, and he hasn't been mean or anything
But aside from that I'm like no thank you, please prove to me you're not dangerous first because I have reasonable reason to suspect
But coming from me is that all that surprising? I mean I was afraid of just being here
I still am
Wondering if someone is going to stretch through my wallpaper or start slamming my cabinets because apparently there are ghosts
Not that ghosts can do anything to you
Can they???
[ She really doesn't understand why she's going a mile a minute.
She wanted to succinctly sum all of that up with "Haha, we're kind of alike... but I think with me, it's just being nervous around things in general", but instead she rambled on and on like a broken record. But she can't stop-- the trigger in her head says keep going, it's fine, keep going, say everything, and sooner or later she's probably going to duct tape her mouth shut and her fingers together out of sheer embarrassment. ]
no subject
Even if they aren't malicious most fall in the ambivalent middle
Meaning that if they're fine with looking away or pretending nothing's wrong unless it becomes a personal problem for them
I'd like to revise my list actually.
because Buccellati should DEFINITELY come before jp and mrs. kujo.
he's always been very kind and very patient with me, even when he didn't have to be
Have you met him? His first name is Bruno
Just being here is frightening most days.
You get used to it because you have to, not because it's any less scary
I'm very lucky in that I have two people from back home here with me
Honestly, without Giogio and Buccellati, I would be a complete wreck.
However, I think it's unlikely that those two things are going to happen
Most of the ghosts I've had to deal with seem attached to the library
I wish they'd haunt one of the OTHER buildings in this stupid city
I think I'm awake enough to go downstairs now
no subject
We're very similar, haha, that thing about the ambivalent middle or pretending nothing's wrong thing you said
I relate
It's relatable
It's a thing I understand pretty deeply, to be honest, as
[ You can read the gears crunching as Tonika forces herself ungracefully away from the topic at hand and onto something that's on the same train of thought and not nearly so personal. ]
As I liked the Peter Pan book a lot
yup
Giogio is a cute nickname
I can understand because I don't have anyone from home here and I am definitely a wreck
Not that I have many people who would be good to have from home, aside from my father
And he'd... make all of this a lot better. He's unbeatable in a lot of ways, and some of them pretty literal
But other than that I pretty much had zero contacts
You could say I didn't really exist, except not literally, but because it was necessary
I guess?
It's a little muddy to think about
Maybe you can convince them to move?
Ah, but I bet the ghosts would only trade up if you offered them something better...
Like they'd trade the Library for a grocery store, and they'd be lobbing cans at everyone who comes in
Hmm
Why?
You don't need to go downstairs, just go back to sleep
1/several
I think we can sum most of it up as
"adults are pretty awful until proven otherwise"
and that's all that really needs to be said about it
yes, it is, it suits him pretty well
no subject
and by that I mean honestly he's a very ridiculous and kind of silly person so of course he has a ridiculous and kind of silly nickname
haha
please don't tell him I said that.
3/3
ANYWAY
I'm sorry your father isn't here with you.
"Unbeatable" isn't a word I think you'd use lightly.
He must be very strong.
Maybe I could convince them to take over the theater.
Then all I would need to do is move the piano. Or just find another one.
I think if we're talking sheer drama, the theater is a much better place to haunt than the library.
Because I want to see if Mrs. Kujo has any recipes for cheese.
In her cookbooks.
Re: 3/3
But that's coming from my own honest perspective, nicknames always seemed to me like...
Someone is cool enough to you to want to give them their own unique name.
I'll respect your wishes though, I won't tell him.
Oh! I promise I'm not using it lightly. Unbeatable isn't just praise, it's his qualification.
But I must be making him sound unnerving... the truth is, he's the kindest person I've ever known.
[ If she mentioned the fact that he was unbeatable at assassination, that last line would altogether feel more unbelievable. But Tonika is not the type to take morals into play when she decides she likes or dislikes someone-- her code of ethics was only ever to survive. She'd take an assassin who was kind to her even if he was snapping other people's necks by moonlight than a regular father who was simply cruel to her.
She's had the misfortune of having to know that for certain. ]
Are there any abandoned mansions? You know, something you could make into a literal haunted house?
And then once a month you'd send someone in to get spooked so they don't get bored and run back to the library?
Wait, no, that's a terrible idea.
-- Oh!
Okay, that makes sense.
Who's Mrs. Kujo?
no subject
Giorno was actually the one who asked me to call him that. Maybe he came up with it?
Anyway, it's from his full name:
GIOrno GIOvanna
I don't call him that all the time, but sometimes I indulge him.
And it's easier to type on the watches.
It's not so much unnerving as...
"Unbeatable" is a word that implies implicit confidence and trust in a person to me.
So by calling your father "unbeatable," I can tell what an important person he is to you.
Honestly I think one person getting scared on purpose is very much worth getting the ghosts out of the library.
They're such a pain!
Mrs. Kujo is one of the people who live in the house I stay in here. There's:
- Giogio, Buccellati & I (2001)
- Jotaro Kujo, Noriaki Kakyoin, Jean-Pierre Polnareff, and Holly Kujo. (1987)
Holly (Mrs. Kujo) is Jotaro's mother. She does a lot of cooking for the house.
no subject
If you're formal all the time with someone, it's hard to imagine them as close friends, right?
[ Genuine question, surprisingly. ]
Oh... I don't know if it's about confidence and trust, even though I have those things in him.
Even though I
Shouldn't
I mean it very literally.
He is unbeatable, so it makes me feel safe knowing nothing can get past him. Or he wouldn't let it.
It's complicated...? Let's just put it that way. My father is complicated, but he's still kind. If he ever followed me here, I bet you'd like him.
Well... at least in a weird way, it's nice to know ghosts are real?
That's a lot of people! I bet it's never quiet for very long. To be honest, this is the first time I've ever been out on my own.
But at the same time, I'm a little bit used to living on my own...?
Another complicated weird thing.
Do you like it, though?
With a lot of people and their separate lives, is it ever dramatic or stressful?
no subject
I supppose there's something to be say about how the ability to be informal with a person is indicative that you trust them enough to relax around them
But it's ... hm, I don't know how to put it.
I'm not using to being close with people. So it feels strange and a little uncomfortable to me sometimes.
[Unfortunately, Fugo does not have a good answer for her. His pool of friends in and out of the city is very small. And even those relationships are admittedly pretty unusual.]
I suppose if you're giving him such glowing reviews, I could stand to view him under
Adult Suspicion Lens: 75% strength
How does that sound?
For your Complicated & Weird Thing #2: You're used to living with someone, but taking care of yourself.
Is that about right?
As for how I like living in this house...
I think in comparison to living alone, I like it much better.
But that doesn't mean it can't be stressful sometimes.
For example: I don't like closed-up spaces, so I leave doors open behind me.
But Mrs. Kujo doesn't know that. So she'll close any door she finds open.
The reason why is complicated and personal so I just haven't brought it up.
no subject
Is that weird? I mean obviously it's weird, but it's not uncommon, right? I don't know how to... calm down.
All I think about is how someone could be not who they seem to be.
I think to be friends, you have to trust someone completely...
Haha! It's weird, I think that number should be both higher and lower.
But he's so... normal, for who he is.
He loves to cook and he watches daytime TV on the sofa like any other normal father.
We have a gym in our apartment complex that's really nice!
He started to take me there, just before I left, because he thought it was important that we did stuff together.
So strange.
That's about right. I was on my own for most things.
Hmm... why don't you hang something on the doorknob?
That says 'please do not shut'. She'll know then, right?
no subject
Growing up, my education was very unusual. I never spent much time with people my age when I lived in my grandfather's house.
As for trust, well... it doesn't have to be all or nothing, you know?
It can be something that's built up over time. Or you can trust people in one area, but not another.
At least that's what I think.
[Fugo furrows his brows at the watch as he wanders into the kitchen, quietly nudging the door open with one sock-clad foot and flicking the lights on. That's a sad and familiar sentiment.]
It gets better.
That strange feeling. It never really goes away, but it gets better.
Maybe.
But I probably won't say anything because my habit's the one that's weird and annoying. Closing open doors is pretty reasonable.
no subject
It's like your friend said, I guess. Trust your heart and instinct. But I think my instincts are broken?
I wish there was just some magic pill that'd make it go away.
Anyway, I'm going on about myself too much... I don't think I've ever said this much about myself before!
It feels strange, like I literally can't stop!
... I hope you're right, though.
I'd like to be
I want to be
A better, kinder person. The selfless kind of person that protects others instead of themselves. I admire people like that so much.
And I feel like if I became that sort of person, I would meet more of those sorts of people.
Does that make sense?
It's not weird and annoying if you're claustrophobic (? Is that the right term?)
For something as simple as not shutting a door, I'm sure your roommates can accommodate you.
no subject
Your instincts aren't broken. They're trying to protect you.
It's the same sort of reasoning a child learns after burning themselves on a stove.
You don't want to burn yourself, so you've learned not to reach out.
But people aren't like stoves. They're much harder to read.
If anything, your instincts work too well: they're registering false positives.
The more experiences you get in life, the more kinds of people you meet,
The more information you'll have to work on.
You'll be able to better differentiate between good people, the ambivalent middle, and bad people.
It's not easy to be kind, when someone else has taught you the opposite.
Just by wanting it, I think you're already well on your way to be that sort of person.
Re: claustrophobia
It's a bit excessive, so I don't like using that term.
I'm not afraid of closed spaces, per say. They just ...
Closed spaces are objectively not safe places for me to be.
So if given a choice I'll avoid them, but it's not like I can't handle being in an elevator or anything.
Re: our current conversation
It's okay. I don't mind, as long as you don't feel uncomfortable.
But if you would rather talk about something else,
You don't have to feel obligated to reply to anything up there.
We can talk about something else.
Like cooking, or cheese.
You said that you liked to make chili.
I've never had that before.
What does it taste like?
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A really smart person, Fugo. I feel like because you describe these things so well, you must have learned them as well.
Er, what I mean is, it sounds like experience to me. Forgive me if it's presumptuous.
Ahh, I've said something dumb again...
I hope you're right. I hope I can learn to be kind. I hope I can follow through on that.
It'd be nice to be less afraid. There's no magic switch for that, though.
[ She has the magic switch, though. The one, perfect magic switch that could let her make dreams come true for everyone around her. The means to create lifelong friendships, one plan at a time, taking a miserable sum of a percentage and turning it into 100%. The power to manipulate words and set infallible plans.
... but no one would like Tonika if she used that power. They would like her superpower. They would like the Sync, the computer within her mind that can get such perfect results, should they be possible.
She can't be that person for anyone else. Wrapping everyone around her fingers like spinning sewing thread. Jim told her that tapping into her ability is easy-- there's a second nature in there that just takes off. Tonika feels like a hatchling that hasn't and will never fly by choice. ]
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Still, I bet she'd understand if you mentioned it.
It doesn't seem like something someone would get upset about...
... Oh!
It's like a really hearty stew with not a lot of broth, and the broth is thick.
It has a meat and tomato base, and you can throw a lot of different things in it. It's traditionally pretty spicy.
I put in black olives, pinto beans, kidney beans, oregano...
Though it changed recipes depending on what I had on hand.
Like you said, I... took care of myself for a very long time.
While I'm not a great cook, I learned pretty quickly that if I wanted to eat, I'd have to make things in big batches.
(Because I had school, and stuff...)
Chili was good for that.
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You're right, though.
Trusting people-- being kind--
Neither of those things come easily to me.
And I learn a little more about them every day, thanks to the kind people I've met and live with.
I suppose I'd just rather not bring it up at all with her.
Like I said, it's a weird and personal thing.
And I've learned to live around it.
So it's not really a problem for me. Just something that stresses me out, sometimes.
That does sound good.
Do you eat it with any side dishes? Or is it just the stew?
Regardless, when you make it next I'd like to try some.
I could trade you some pasta.
We make a lot of pasta in this house.
Question about the cheese:
Do you still want to make some?
Because I've found a recipe. (It's even for cheddar!)
However, it will take some time.
...
A lot of time.
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[ Tonika is not sure she'll ever make those kinds of friends with any permanence. Even if she made some here... eventually, when she goes home (and she very much intends to), isn't she going to have to go back to her secretive life underneath Jim's roof, for her own literal protection? Not even in an Evil
Stepfather sort of way, but legitimately to preserve her life?Still, she wants to be... better. ]
Usually just the chili is enough. It's very hearty-- and you can freeze it and reheat it for when you need it.
You don't have to make it with just beef, either, I remember once I got to make it with venison.
It was a little weird that time, but still good.
And I'd love to try your pasta! I've never had authentic Italian food before, just--
I think the chicken parm sandwich from Burger King.
Yeah.
Sure.
I mean, I'm not going anywhere, right? All I have is time.
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Words cannot properly convey how sad it makes me that this has been your only experience with Italian food.
So I will have to, regretfully, use an emoticon.
:(
I will trade you chicken Parmesan for chili.
From what I can gather, cooking cheddar cheese is an all day affair.
And then it will require about six months of aging.
We have a basement here, so you don't have to worry about that.
I think the biggest obstacle is finding the ingredients and putting together a cheese press.
But I think I know someone who would be interested in building one.
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But now that I think about it, I've eaten spaghetti before in the school cafeteria.
But... that's probably not real Italian either.
It was good though, I liked it.
But my standards aren't high.
Six months??
How do they make all of the little cheese slices then? They seriously store it away for six months?
That can't be right... maybe I've been eating fake cheese this whole time?
Which... isn't surprising, all things considered, but...
I think that'd be pretty fun.
I know, 'fun' sounds weird, but I mean it.
And maybe while that cheese is uh, incubating, for six months
We could learn new things together?
Like, um...
Maybe we could learn something neither of us know?
Like... Indian food? Russian food? Swedish food?
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I mean. I can understand why they would have to, since they're serving a large number of people.
But I'm offended by the principle of the matter.
You should come over for dinner sometime.
Mrs. Kujo and Buccellati always have to make a ton of food anyway since JP and Kujo are bottomless pits, so there's more than enough for one more person.
I assume that cheesemakers overcome this problem by simply making cheese every day.
That way, every day they have cheese from six months ago that's ready to be sold.
No, it's not weird at all. At least not to me.
I'm interested in the process as well.
And I'm very curious to see what sort of cheese we can produce.
I like learning new things.
And ... you know, I've never really thought about it.
But I especially like learning new things about cooking.
So I'd like to do that.
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Who knows? Maybe one day, I'll have you to thank for the start of a budding career as a chef.
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Because as riveting and hunger-enducing as it is, I just realized something.
We're from such different places, right?
Italy, I mean. I bet it's a lot different from the wild west. I must seem rather... rough around the edges compared to you.
Can you tell me... what it's like there?
You don't have to! Or you don't have to be specific, I mean. You don't have to talk about your life in Italy. Just Italy itself...
I only had movies growing up, and-- um, American movies are stereotypical at best.
Do you know 'The Lady and the Tramp'?
That and fashion magazines, that's all I knew for a long time. Oh, and 'The Godfather'.
I just always assumed it was this really opulent place.
Like...
The feeling you get when you look up at a really pretty chandelier!
... ahhh that's dumb that's so dumb
But it always sounded glamorous to me.
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And tell me about where you live. Montana.
I've lived all my life in cities! And I don't think Ruby City counts as a proper rural area.
Even if it's really strange to be living in a place with less than one hundred other people. It's so quiet, here.
So I'd like to know what sort of place you grew up in.
Italy is ... a very vivid, colorful country.
I'm not sure if it's because of all the sun we get, but when I think back to Napoli and compare it to Ruby City--
Everything just seems like it was brighter, back home.
The weather was nicer too.
It depends on what part of the country you live in
(it's colder in the north and warmer and the south)
But in Napoli it never gets colder than 9°C (48°F) in January or hotter than 25°C (76°F) in July.
Sometimes it gets humid in the summer (because of the ocean) and very rainy in the winter (... because of the ocean) but otherwise it's a very pleasant place to live.
No matter where you go, you can always smell the sea.
I miss that.
Napoli is a city that's full of history.
People have been living there for thousands of years, so you see it everywhere.
In the churches, the catacombs and the ruins, the statues, the streets, the buildings...
There are plenty of excellent museums you can visit, but to be honest you never really need to look far to find it.
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It sounds like something out of a dream, to be honest. Mild weather, bright colors, next to the ocean! I've never actually seen the ocean. Just lakes. Which are great, but still!
I can't imagine how comforting it is to have the sea beside you at night.
And history, too...! Walking places that people have walked for thousands of years!
I want to say it's romantic, but not in the 'romantic' sense.
The... ??? sense.
The platonic romantic sense.
The feeling of being a part of something bigger than yourself and contributing your own imprints to it.
Catacombs! Preserved saints that sometimes blink! The pope?
Ah, no, he's more north...
But still!
I've seen a plaster recreation of David, does that count?
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